No one ever taught me how to “be in my heart” (or what that even means). My relationships have often suffered horribly as a result. Like most men (many women, too) I’ve been conditioned to live in my head, to use my brain to solve any problem that presents itself.
♦◊♦ “I care about your feelings.” My partner once texted me those words shortly after an argument. When I saw her text, my first thought was … “Why? … I don’t even care about my feelings. … Anyway, everything is fine, I’ll be fine.” As I watched myself dismiss my own feelings (I wasn’t really
♦◊♦ Throughout my adult life, no woman ever broke up with me that I didn’t want or even subtly encourage to leave. Nope. I was the one who ended intimate relationships. I see now I was also the one who never fully showed up for those relationships. But I only finally realized this after a woman
♦◊♦ (note: this happens in all relationships, straight or otherwise. It’s actually a masculine-feminine dynamic, not a man-woman dynamic.) I’ve discovered a tragic cycle in intimacy: WOMAN routinely lets man know he’s “not enough” (doesn’t feel enough; not emotional enough; not expressive enough; often combined with he can’t get it/do it right). Having no idea how to please her,
Your partner is always telling you either …
“I feel safe with you” … or
“I do not feel safe with you.“
Learning to hear what they’re really saying can change everything for both of you!
♦◊♦ A man recently told me that his wife said she doesn’t feel connected to him. When she said it, he looked around, quickly noticed they were both physically in the same room talking to each other, and exclaimed with frustration drenching his words, “What the f**k are you talking about? I’m right here!” She didn’t feel connected to
I spent 5 years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her. I wanted to choose her. But I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that grated on me.
♦◊♦ Jealousy. That scourge of intimacy that, at its worst, can rob even the most sane person of his or her mental stability as it drags them disoriented and damned into a fiery living nightmare where they’re likely to be tortured by their own fantastical fictions. When jealousy settles into a relationship the consequences can
♦◊♦ I know what you’re thinking. But no. “Let’s have sex” are actually NOT the three sexiest words a woman can say to a man. They might be the most instantly sex-inducing words she can say, but they’re not the sexiest. Sexy is about way more than sex. Also, if you read my recent article, The
♦◊♦ Twice in my life, I have made a lot of money only to adventure it all away. At 26, I had built up substantial savings as a young US Air Force Officer. I had a sweet pad by the Atlantic Ocean, a Sebring convertible and the means to properly entertain my Canadian girlfriend whenever