♦◊♦ I still sometimes say “yes” when I deeply want to say “no” (and vice versa) … and then resent others/life for my choices. I still sometimes walk paths that feel heavy because logic says this will get me the love, validation, etc. I want … which is mostly always wrong. I’ve been taught that
I spent 5 years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her. I wanted to choose her. But I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that grated on me.
Many men think our strongest power is in our brains or our balls. They’re wrong.
♦◊♦ Twice in my life, I have made a lot of money only to adventure it all away. At 26, I had built up substantial savings as a young US Air Force Officer. I had a sweet pad by the Atlantic Ocean, a Sebring convertible and the means to properly entertain my Canadian girlfriend whenever
♦◊♦ There’s only one right way to compliment a woman: Freely, with no expectation that she’ll give us anything in return for it. There’s only one place a genuine compliment arises from: Genuine appreciation of whatever gift she’s giving to the world in this moment. Whether that gift be her radiant femininity, her intelligence, her
♦◊♦ “I love you.” (nope) “You look beautiful.” (nope) “Let’s go shopping!” (depends how you say it, but still, no) “How’s your mother?” (no, this will just make her suspicious of you) Those are all nice to say, and many women want to hear them from their partner; they like to feel cherished. But none
♦◊♦ I used to think women were only afraid of aggression in men, in all its forms: anger, rage, physical violence, verbal abuse, sexual aggression, rape. I grew up with all kinds of conflicting social messages about the wrongs (and subtle rights) of violence against women. With three sisters and two mothers (married to my
♦◊♦ I’ve finally realized that I’m not supposed to understand my woman. I am only supposed to love her in all her wild mystery. I’m a “core masculine” man. I wouldn’t want to completely understand a woman, anyway. Like most men, once I understand or completely figure something out – or even think I have –
♦◊♦ I’m pretty sure that sometimes “healing” just means learning to live in peace with the pain. I’ve been to countless workshops. I’ve questioned my stressful thoughts for days on end and accumulated countless hours of stranger eye-gazing to weepy Whitney Houston songs; I’ve sat still and starving on desolate mountainsides, determinedly reframed disappointments and