Healthy Boundaries

The One Shift in Communication (That Saves Relationships)

The One Shift in Communication (That Saves Relationships)

“When someone comes to you with their pain, they’re not asking you to decide if their experience is valid.” ~ Silvy Khoucasian ♦◊♦ Through all my adventures in intimacy, I spent way too much time evaluating the validity of my partners’ upsets and frustrations – often deciding they are NOT valid, especially when directed at … Read more

The Most Essential (and Overlooked) Boundary for Healthy Relationships

The Most Essential (and Overlooked) Boundary for Healthy Relationships

♦◊♦ A few years ago, I was shocked to discover I’d spent a lifetime (unknowingly) allowing one especially critical boundary to be violated by the women I loved, over and over. Naturally, I routinely violated this same boundary for them, too. Had I been aware (and able to stand for this boundary) I’m convinced! I … Read more

Sometimes The Best Gift Is Leaving Your Partner

♦◊♦ Throughout my adult life, no woman ever broke up with me that I didn’t want or even subtly encourage to leave. Nope. I was the one who ended intimate relationships. I see now I was also the one who never fully showed up for those relationships. But I only finally realized this after a woman

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Stop This Tragic Cycle In Your Relationship

♦◊♦ (note: this happens in all relationships, straight or otherwise. It’s actually a masculine-feminine dynamic, not a man-woman dynamic.) I’ve discovered a tragic cycle in intimacy: WOMAN routinely lets man know he’s “not enough” (doesn’t feel enough; not emotional enough; not expressive enough; often combined with he can’t get it/do it right). Having no idea how to please her,

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Does Your Partner Feel Safe With You?

Your partner is always telling you either …

“I feel safe with you” … or

“I do not feel safe with you.“

Learning to hear what they’re really saying can change everything for both of you!

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Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her)

I spent 5 years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her. I wanted to choose her. But I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that grated on me.

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What A Woman Really Wants Isn’t A Man’s Money

♦◊♦ Twice in my life, I have made a lot of money only to adventure it all away. At 26, I had built up substantial savings as a young US Air Force Officer. I had a sweet pad by the Atlantic Ocean, a Sebring convertible and the means to properly entertain my Canadian girlfriend whenever

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The One Thing Women Are Most Afraid of in Men (It’s Not Aggression)

♦◊♦ I used to think women were only afraid of aggression in men, in all its forms: anger, rage, physical violence, verbal abuse, sexual aggression, rape. I grew up with all kinds of conflicting social messages about the wrongs (and subtle rights) of violence against women. With three sisters and two mothers (married to my

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